Cybill – “How Can I Call You My Ex-Husbands if You Won’t Go Away?”

Cybill
Season 1, Episode 2: How Can I Call You My Ex-Husbands if You Won’t Go Away?
Original Airdate: January 9, 1995

When it comes to the casting couch, Cybill Sheridan is in her chill zone. She’s cool, calm, and confident, and can literally wow a room of critics with her incredible acting range. Today is just a little different, though. She’s alone in a room with two casting directors; men, obviously. She’s acting out a pivotal scene from an upcoming made-for-premium-cable movie, about women in prison – totally a recurring fantasy for unimaginative men (also see FOX’s Women in Prison). Following her tour de force performance, the two casting directors applaud Cybill for her acting chops and convince her she has the right amount of oomph for the role. When offered the role, she immediately pounces at the offer but is then taken aback when she discovers the caveat that comes with the job: a nude shower scene.

“Will that be a problem?” asks the casting director, whose tied-back ponytail screams mid-life crisis.

“I guess not,” replies Cybill, “If it’s, you know, motivating and not just some kinky shower scene with a sleazy prison guard.”

The two men look at each other, both nervously smirking and struggling to come up with a response. Cybill lowers her head in defeat and as we fade into the opening credits, the familial theme song, “Nice Work If You Can Get It,” takes on a sad new meaning.

What begins next is a low-key soul searching quest to determine if she should accept the role or not, while simultaneously juggling motherhood, babysitting an alcoholic best friend, and keeping a respectful distance away from her two ex-husbands; who always seem to keep ringing her doorbell. Speaking of, Cybill’s first ex-husband, Jeff, swings by with a box of videocassettes of their early and far-more happier years. He’s buttering her up because he’s looking for a place to crash since his condo had been destroyed in a recent earthquake. Ah, California living; so glamorous! Anyway, the topic of Cybill’s breasts comes up in conversation and Jeff commends her bust, from what he can remember, and Cybill suddenly feels slightly perkier. But are her breasts TV ready?

Pill-popping pal, Maryann Thorpe, naturally is not much help to Cybill’s latest dilemma. She casually suggests a boob job, but honestly, her face is burried in some tabloid rag and Hugh Grant gallivanting with prostitutes on the Sunset Strip is more exciting gossip than a forgotten-by-time actress baring flesh on some Skinemax flick.

Cybill then attempts to lean to Ira, her second ex-husband, for guidance. Unfortunately, he’s knee deep in regret of destroying his marriage with Cybill, that he’s purchased a $70,000 extension of his a penis, a Porsche, and considering writing a new book from a female’s perspective. So, whatever opinion he has to offer has to be considered carefully, as it’s most likely a sly backdoor entryway back into Cybill’s life full-time.

Nice work if you can get it, right? Well, Cybill takes the job but opts to use a body double. As Ira and Jeff ogle at the television screen, together, they comment that Cybill’s body hasn’t changed one bit. Cybill and Maryann stare at each other, and smirk, as they each take a sip from their colorful fruity drink with one of those cocktail umbrellas poking out.

 

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